I Have Moved (again)!

Thanks so much for stopping by, but I have moved. I hope you come over and visit me at my new place.

Purplebuoy.com

Be blessed:) 

What Road is He Taking Me On?

What RoadThere are some things that I am anxious about. We have an unknown future for my son awaiting a diagnosis. I have bad lab results that call for further testing. I am scared. I fight discouragement and fear everyday. I am working to have joy. I am working at spending time with my son before he starts pre-school. I am scared of what further testing might reveal, but I would also be scared if I didn’t go through the tests.

I know that I am not living the best I can. I am grateful that God forgives my doubt and fear. I know He is bigger than this. I believe that He doesn’t mind my questions.  I know that He can make everything better, but I don’t know what He is going to do and I don’t believe that makes me less of a Christian.

Psalm 18:30 God’s way is perfect.
All the Lord’s promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

I am still scared and I don’t always like what God is doing in my life, but I still need to trust and obey Him. I need to believe it is for the best and it will bring Him glory.

I don’t know how much of a transition I am going to go through, but I do know this–that when opposition comes, it doesn’t always mean that it isn’t God’s will. Sometimes I think He wants us to fight. Sometimes, I think we need to persevere. He doesn’t promise easy. He promises to never leave. Deuteronomy 31:6.  “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (NLT)

Fresh Vision

Fresh VisionIn Luke 5:1-11, we read a story of obedience. These men had fished without catching anything. I imagine that being a bad day of work. Then Jesus told Simon to go out again and fish. Simon didn’t want to, but he did it out of obedience. Then we read that Simon caught too many fish for the nets to hold.

I don’t think Simon expected greatness when he dropped his net. I think he was expecting nothing.  Jesus didn’t ridicule or put Simon down when he argued.  Jesus showed love with His patience. (1 Corinthians 13:4).  Simon’s obedience was rewarded even though he had doubt.

I am jealous and I am struggling. I feel like my obedience is bringing more heartbreak. (Yes, I am embarrassed to admit that I am whining). I want to see results NOW!  I don’t like the process of refinement. Why do I have this sense of entitlement? Why do I expect a reward?  Why is my faith so weak? My reward isn’t here on earth~~  I have to believe.  I feel like I need to see big evidence of God working. I want to see healing and miracles before I am obedient anymore.

I need  a fresh perspective and vision. I need to believe God will do what He needs to do if I allow Him, not that He is going to do what I WANT OR EXPECT. I need to serve out of love and thankfulness to God for sending Jesus. I need to let go of my expectations~~ what I WANT. I need to want what He knows is best for me. I can’t worship God based on circumstances. I don’t have to thank Him for the valley, but I do need to be obedient and serve Him out of love while I am in the valley. I need to let Him lead me through the valley and praise Him for what He has done in my life and what He is going to do, even if I don’t know what that is.

Be blessed:)

P31 OBS Blog Hop

Worship

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker over at Tales from a Gypsy Mama gives us a word and a challenge. To write for 5 minutes without abandon. It is fun and I encourage you to try it. Here we go! The word is…

WORSHIP

Right now, I am going through some tough stuff. Right now, being a wife and mom is harder than I could have imagined. I have cried and sobbed and pleaded with God in my closet. At the same time, I am asking Him “what is the point? Why do I bother asking/pleading with You? You are going to do what You are going to do. You are going to do what is best.” ( Psalm 116:2) I struggle sometimes worshipping God simply for who He is. I forget that His value doesn’t change. I don’t like my circumstances right now, but that shouldn’t matter. God is God and because He loves me, sent Jesus to save me, THAT is enough to worship.

I am learning that I need to give unconditional love, forgiveness, and support because of my trials I am going through right now. I am reminded that even though I don’t like what God is doing or allowing, worship should not be conditional. Worship needs to come from my heart, not my head or how I feel about my circumstances.

It is hard. I am struggling. I am relying on His grace.

Be blessed:)

Five Minute Friday

Being Obedient To Be Refined

I have wrote about my marriage and how hard it is. Nothing new there, right? However, when asked about radical obedience, I have to pause. Staying in my marriage shouldn’t be about radical obedience. I feel as if I have given up so much and I don’t want to give up anymore of my dreams and desires. However, I feel that is what I am being asked to do. Again. Radical obedience. Past choices on my husband’s and my part have led us here. I feel I am in a prison of consequences and unhappiness, but I have to believe that God still has better for me if I start saying yes to Him, listen to Him, and allow Him to use what bad I have done for my good and His glory. That is going to take radical obedience.

I am learning is that I have not loved my husband enough. I am not saying that I caused him to hurt me. I am not saying that it is my fault that he made the choices he made, or even the excuses he tried to provide me. I am not excusing him for what he has done and the hurt and humiliation he has caused me. What I am saying is that I am learning  that my love for my husband has been conditional. If Matt wouldn’t do this or that, then loving him would be easy. Maybe so, but it isn’t the love God has called you and me to show to His children. I have to love unconditionally~~ that shows I am His child and that I know Him (1 John 4:7-8).  Right now, I am in the midst of hurt and yet, I feel numb. (That scares me). I am married as an act of obedience to my vows and to my God. Honestly, I can’t say I FEEL love for him. I don’t feel that I am CHOOSING to love either.

Is God using this for me to be refined? To be better? To love my husband more? To love through the hurt and humiliation? I think He might. Maybe I need to allow Him to~~ to open up my heart and let Him heal.  Yes, I know Jesus loved through hurt and humiliation (and still loves us like nobody else can). To answer question 4 from Chapter 2 of What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lysa TerKeurst ~~ YES~~this is beyond me. Maybe I should be embarrassed to admit, but allowing God to do a work in me and not giving up on my marriage seems to be radical obedience on my part. (Side note~~ I am NOT talking abuse or dangerous situations. I am not talking about people having affairs without remorse).

I have also had a Say What? moment. For now, since I still don’t know if it is me or Him and I am waiting to see what happens and keeping it to myself.  If it is Him, I am going to say yes! If it is me, then please God, don’t allow me to do act on it.

Be blessed:)

P31 OBS Blog Hop

Some Tips on Making Friends

I have the privilege of being a contributor at Unveiled Wife. Today, I am talking about friendships with wives. Hope you check it out and of course, be blessed:)

Lonely

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker over at Tales from a Gypsy Mama gives us a word and a challenge. To write for 5 minutes without abandon. It is fun and I encourage you to try it. Here we go! The word is…

LONELY

When you relocate, it can be hard. I miss my friends. I miss the community I was a part of. It feels like it will never get better. Years go by without making new friends and not feeling like I belong or something is wrong with me. I had no issues finding community, so what is wrong with me?

I became a mom. Oddly enough, that felt more lonely. I was in constant company with this new little man, but I still was missing conversations with adults. Being lonely was scary for me.

I think that I should have done better. I should have done more than ask God for friends~~ I should have asked Him what He wants from me. What do You want me to learn? How could I have grown if I sought after Him and used this time of loneliness? He was always there. He is still here and I treasure community and friends more now than I did.

Be blessed:)

Five Minute Friday

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